Top Secret Spoilers
by spiffytgm
Summary: The singularly most disappointing scene in Top Secret 21 written the way I would prefer it to end. Always a BABE. Rated for smut. HUGE SPOILER FOR TOP SECRET TWENTY ONE!
1. Chapter 1

_***WARNING* - HUGE Spoiler for Top Secret**_** 21!**

**Warning for Smut, too!**

**This is the way I think this scene from the newest book should have gone. Morelli isn't mentioned, because in my world he's in the past where he belongs!**

**Italics are taken directly from Top Secret 21.**

**All characters belong to JE. All mistakes are mine. I get nothing from this except for the warm fuzzy feeling reading reviews!**

Ranger_ smiled. "There are times when I seriously consider marrying you, but then I get yet another black mark on my path to enlightenment and forgiveness and I scratch marriage off my bucket list."_

_ "Really? You think about marrying me?"_

_ "Marrying you might be extreme, but once in a while I think about sharing my closet."_

I turned to ask Hal to give us a minute alone, but he had already left the room. Sometimes Hal is a smart man. If he was really smart, he'd come back much later with gelato. I also noticed that the little Do Not Disturb sign was missing from the doorknob. Hal deserves a raise.

I walked up to Ranger and put my arms around his neck. "So, you think about sharing your closet, huh?" I kissed the spot where his collarbones met.

Ranger wrapped his arms around my waist. "More and more each day, Babe."

I ran my hands down his chest, feeling the hard planes of his muscles. "You know that some of my Rangeman uniforms are hanging in there already, right?" I placed an open mouthed kiss to his Adam's apple.

Ranger gave me a sound halfway between a growl and a purr. It vibrated from my lips straight to my doodah. "I suppose you do."

I kissed him at the corner of his jaw. "And you know that little blue distraction outfit you like so much?" He nodded, and his hands slid down to cup my ass. "That's hanging in your closet next to your really hot Armani suit."

I slid my arms around his waist and under his shirt. The heat of his skin made me shiver. He licked the shell of my ear and said, "You should wear that again, soon."

I bit his earlobe gently. He pulled me in even closer, then slid my shirt off. "The shoes that match the dress are right next to your dress shoes."

I helped Ranger take his shirt off. I needed the skin to skin contact. He put his hands on my breasts and rubbed my nipples with his thumbs. I threw my head back at the sensation, and he sucked one lace covered nipple into his mouth and released it. I couldn't stop the gasp. "Those are nice shoes, you should wear them, too."

Ranger unbuttoned my pants and slid them down my hips. I stepped out of my shoes and pants at the same time. I kissed him lightly on the lips and made him take a step towards the bedroom. "Did you know that there's a drawer in your closet that's filled with my lingerie, both Rangeman panties and my Victoria's Secret best?"

Ranger unclasped my bra and took another step towards the bedroom. "That's my favorite drawer in there." He stepped out of his shoes.

We took one more step and Ranger's back was against the bedroom door. I unbuttoned his cargos and slid them down his legs. Since Ranger always goes commando, his cock sprang free, resting against my stomach. I looked into his eyes as I slid down his body. "It seems to me that I already share your closet."

He buried his hands in my hair, his eyes black with desire. "It would appear that you do."

I licked him from the base to the tip of his cock, using the flat part of my tongue to cover every inch that I could. He hissed in pleasure. "Are you sure you only want to share your closet with me, Ranger?" I licked the moisture that had gathered at the tip and slipped the head into my mouth.

Ranger groaned as I slid more of his length down my throat. His hands tightened in my hair. "No."

I released him from my mouth with a soft pop. "No?" He picked me up and held me until I wrapped my legs around his waist. He ripped my panties from my body.

He slid his length into me in one smooth motion. I moaned and wrapped my arms around him tighter. He carried me into the bedroom and laid me on the bed, staying inside me the whole time. He thrust deeply inside me and then pulled all the way out. I whimpered at the loss. "No, Babe, I don't want to only share my closet with you."

He pulled my breast into his mouth again, and bit down on my nipple. My back arched off the bed. "What else do you want to share with me?"

He kissed his way down my body and nipped my belly button. "I want to share my shower with you." He continued to kiss his way lower.

He nipped the inside of my thigh, then pressed a kiss to it. I wrapped my hands in his hair. "Your shower?"

He swirled his tongue around my core. "I want to share my bed with you." He continued to lick as he slid a finger inside me.

He added a second finger and nibbled one of my outer lips. When he sucked my nub into his mouth, I came screaming his name. He kissed his way back up my body. He slid into me again. I wrapped my legs around him again and hissed out, "Yes".

He started to thrust into me. He ground out, "Share Ella with you."

I met his movements. The pressure was building to a Doomsday Orgasm. "Yes", I moaned.

He moved harder and faster. I was so close. "Share everything."

He hit the right spot and tore the orgasm from me. I screamed over and over. "Yes!" I could feel my walls clenching him, wringing his orgasm from him.

I think I may have blacked out at the end, because the next thing I know he was laying next to me, cradling me in his arms. I kissed his chest. "So, you're thinking about sharing your closet with me?"

He chuckled. "Babe, I should know that nothing ever goes according to plan with you."

I pushed him until he was flat on his back and climbed onto his chest. Looking into his eyes I asked, "You had a plan?"

He pushed one of my curls behind my ear. "Yes, I had a plan. I was going to invite you to dinner. Ella was baking you a cake. I had finally convinced myself that I was ready for someday, and the only one I wanted to share it with was you."

I managed to croak out, "Me?"

He smiled again. "Yes, you. You've always been the woman I want to share my life with. I love you. No qualifiers."

A tear rolled down my cheek and landed on his neck. "I love you, too."

He wiped up my tears. "Will you marry me? I have a ring for you, but it's locked in the safe in my apartment. I'll give it to you when they let us back in the building."

"You bought me a ring?"

"I bought you a ring years ago. I just wasn't able to convince myself I was ready."

I was confused. "What's changed?"

"I can't convince myself that I can spend another day without you. You still haven't answered me. Will you marry me?"

I kissed him. "Yes."


	2. Bedroom Bucket List

**OK, this one's for Margaret. She heard about Joe's bucket list at the end of the book and asked me to put a Babe spin on it. I realize that it should probably be in Here's to you, Lucylu, but it does contain minor spoilers for Top Secret Twenty One, so here it is. Anything in italics is taken directly from the book. The Choo-Choo and the Romanian Slippery Unicorn came from Janet's books. Everything else on the list came from the internet. Be afraid.**

**Anyway, all the characters you know and love belong to Janet Evanovich. All mistakes are, of course, mine. The only thing I get from this is the warm, fuzzy feeling as I read the reviews.**

It's good to be home. As soon as I got back from Atlantic City, Ranger wanted me to move into Haywood with him. Apparently he's serious about sharing his closet, and everything else, with me. I plan on moving in as soon as possible, but Ranger had to stay in AC for debriefing with the FBI, and I still had a few murders to solve. I also wanted to be the first to let Joe know. He and I haven't been together for a long time, but I don't want him to get ambushed by gossip.

Fortunately for me, the rest of my mysteries were solved at the speed of light since we were at the end of the book. Lula is still a little upset that she won't be able to but the pot laced pizza anymore, but now there's only one speed bump left on the road to my happily ever after. I stopped by Joe's house, but he wasn't home. Every time I try to give him his key back he won't take it, so I let myself in to leave him a note to call me.

I found an envelope to write on in his kitchen, but I can't find a pen anywhere. Honestly, his house is such a wreck I'm surprised I could find an envelope instead of having to write on the lid of an empty Pino's box. I went upstairs to see if he had anything to write with in his office. When I opened his desk drawer, I found a notebook opened to a page that said, "Bucket List". Since everyone else has been talking about their bucket lists, I decided to take a look at his. Ok, I'm nosy, but he's the one who won't take his key back.

I looked over the list with a growing sense of horror. I think I knew what half the things on the list were, and I'm not sure if I wanted to know what the other half are. My brain almost shorted out with number one, 'Choo-Choo'. There was a big, fat check mark next to it. The more I read, the more I realized that almost all of the items on his list had already been checked off. The only one remaining was The Romanian Slippery Unicorn, and that just sounds like Something I don't want to know about.

I was so engrossed in the list, that I didn't hear Joe come home. He came upstairs and found me at his desk. "Cupcake, you're here. Does this mean you're ready to move in with me and settle down?"

I jumped when he started speaking. I showed him what I was reading and asked, "Joe, what is this?"

"It's my bucket list. Everybody's been talking about them lately, so I made one of my own."

"Joe, a bucket list is supposed to be made up of things you'd like to do, not things you've already done. I know for a fact that I've done numbers one and eight with you."

He looked at the list again. "You also did number 12."

I turned the list around to see what number 12 was. "What the hell is a Kentucky Wheelbarrow?"

Joe shrugged. "It's when you're doing the doggie and you pull her arms back so that she smacks her head against the mattress."

"You pig! You did that on purpose?" He shrugged again. "Who did you manage to do a Cleveland Steamer to?"

He got a glazed look in his eyes. I'm seriously grossed out to be taking this stroll down memory lane with him. Finally he said, "Gina Giovichinni." Eww. That poor girl. I'm sure she thought it was an accident, too.

I was horrified by his list. "The Chocolate Cha-Cha?"

"I was in the Navy, you wouldn't know him."

Him? Eww. "The Bait and Tackle?"

"That's a solo act."

"The David Copperfield?"

"I don't remember the woman, but Mooch was my wingman."

"The Angry Dragon?"

He smiled. "Terri Gilman. She was pissed. It worked like a champ."

"The Dirty Elvis? I've heard of a Dirty Sanchez, is that the same thing?"

"Think Sideburns. That was Grace Gooley"

"The Jersey Turnpike?"

"Aah, Robin Russell. I even got the bonus Newark Exit."

"The San Diego Surprise?"

"Totally worked. Mooch was my wingman for that, too." I gave him a look that mirrored what I felt at that moment. "What can I say, we're cousins, we were close."

"The Cum Dumpster? I've never even heard of that one."

He looked a little nervous. Considering what we've been talking about, and the fact that he's been naming names, this has me scared. "It's not so much of a what as a who." I just kept looking at him until he answered. "Joyce."

If I could have shot lasers out of my eyes, he would be incinerated on the spot. "Barnhardt?" He nodded. "You bastard! I'll kill you!"

He looked around, probably to see if he could make a quick getaway. "Don't be mad, Cupcake. She only has one entry on the list. You have three."

I threw the notebook at him and was glad it hit him in the middle of his forehead. "You know what? I'm glad I came over here to tell you my news myself. You deserve to rot in hell, and I hope you're miserable!"

"What news?"

"Ranger asked me to marry him, and I said yes. As soon as he gets back from Atlantic City, I'm moving in with him. If I never see you again, it will be too soon! Have fun with the Cum Dumpster, unless she left you for her trained dobermans." I threw his key at him for good measure, and ran to my Mercedes.

Ranger came back the next day. True to my word, I moved into his apartment that night. I told him about the fight I had with Joe and all about his 'Bedroom Bucket List' and the fact that he's done most of them. Ranger asked me what was on it, so I wrote the list down for him from memory.

Ranger read the list, shaking his head. "I used to think I was sick sexually, but he takes the cake. The only thing on this list that I would even consider doing is the Romanian Slippery Unicorn. You'd enjoy that one."

I laughed. "That's the only one he hasn't done yet."

Ranger's eyes darkened. "You want to play?"

Just the look in his eyes was making me hot. "What does it involve?"

_"Clear the table and take your clothes off. I'll get the egg timer and a spoon, and I'll demonstrate."_

_ "You're making this up."_

_ "Does it matter?"_

_ "What's the spoon for?"_

_ "The Marshmallow Fluff."_

_ I kicked my shoes off and stripped my shirt over my head._

Joe's Bedroom Bucket List

1. Choo-Choo

2. Angry Dragon

3. Bait & Tackle

4. Chocolate Cha-Cha

5. Cleveland Steamer

6. Dirty Elvis

7. Cum Dumpster

8. Dolphin

9. The Jersey Turnpike

10. Cop's Delight (also known as Glazed Donuts)

11. David Copperfield

12. Kentucky Wheelbarrow

13. Rear Admiral

14. San Diego Surprise

15. Romanian Slippery Unicorn


End file.
